Officer went to kick some squatters out of a house for sale... and found a peacock. Dispatch found an animal hospital that agreed to take it, to which the officer replied, "That's nice, but how do we get it there? Because it's large and it looks angry, and it has what look like really sharp talons ( Read more... )

Real call: Theft of dinosaur head.

Guy loaned it to the science museum and thinks one of the employees stole it.

I officially have the weirdest job.

(Before anyone asks, yes, he was nuts. We all were pretty sure that's how it would turn out, but it was fun for 15 minutes to wonder if it might be real.)

Says the caller to the calltaker about the scary noises outside, "I hope it doesn't turn out to be a raccoon when the officers get here."
Says the calltaker to the caller, "Raccoons wouldn't be ringing the doorbell."
Says the dispatcher to the calltaker, "And neither would burglars."

My callers sometimes have an interesting grasp of their native English. Just got a call from a guy who was trying to insist he was being held hostage. When I pried into the story, it was that his roommates wouldn't let him back inside the apartment. Clearly he's never heard of a dictionary, much less read one.

Not kidding: Just had a caller tell me his first name was "Doctor, just like the title." I only barely refrained from asking, "Just like the Time Lord, you mean?"

...is after you're already on the phone with 9-1-1 ( Read more... )

Caller: "My son didn't come home from school today."
Me: "You mean yesterday? Because it's not yet 8 o'clock in the morning."
Caller: "It's morning? Oh, I'm sorry. Never mind."

Yeah. That just happened. I love my job.

True stories of callers:

Calltaker: "What's your name and phone number?"
Caller: "I'm Stupid and you can reach me at 1-800-Over-React."

(Background: She thought she heard a burglar in the backyard. Just as the calltaker asked for her name and phone number, she realized it was her dog.)